Empty Rooms
by ShiiLovesHim
Summary: Pepsquee slash. Emotions are a strange thing. Stranger yet is what they can motivate people to do.... Pepito discovers just how far he would go to 'protect' Todd, and the harsh reality that every reaction can not be controlled by the initial action.
1. prologue part 1

Empty Rooms

pairing: PepSquee :P

Rating: PG (will increase greatly)

Warnings: Reference towards physical and drug abuse

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but to Jhonen V. who is mightier.

Beta: Rational Lunacy (my bff)

Chapter One

Todd sighed heavily, staring into his 20 gallon fish tank. Danny the gold fish wasn't looking so good recently. He watched as the two ghost shrimp swam happily, bypassing their suffering tank mate.

Turning his attention from the seemingly empty tank, he tried to focus on gathering his school things. Spring break had ended and Todd would be returning from one hell hole to the next. At least Pepito was back from... where ever he had gone. Trapped at home for a week had been familiarly terrible. Just like the year before and the year before that, and the year before that. His mom had O.D.ed and spent the week in the hospital while Mr. Casil was upset over the bills for his wife's "vacation". Naturally he took out his frustration on Todd. A full week of mental abuse apparently hadn't been enough, there had been a need for the physical as well.

Standing for too long was difficult on the injured ankle, but it wasn't as terrible as laying. This caused his bruised rib cage and head to throb. Sitting was his preferred state of rest currently.

Checking the clock, Todd noted that it was almost time to leave. No harm in leaving early. Pulling on his worn out sneakers and book bag he casually called over his shoulder, "Bye Bob, Bye Cracker! Hang in there Dan." before climbing out the window gingerly. The shrimp only continued their happy wiggling.

Using the window was great for Todd. His parents remained undisturbed and he didn't get the verbal assaults as often. Wincing slightly on every other step, the 17 year old padded off to hi skool, humming as he went.


	2. prologue part 2

Empty Rooms

pairing: PepSquee

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but to Jhonen V.

Beta: Punchbagbobsrevenge (RationalLunacy)

Chapter 2

The court yard always was most enjoyable before skool hours. It was almost guaranteed to be empty.

"Hey, Amigo!" The peppy voice of the Anti Christ caused Todd to jump, letting out a trademark squee. He had been consumed in yet another story. Luckily the head meat correctional facility hadn't taken that passion from him.

"Hey Pepito." Todd felt it strange that he should be forcing the smile. "How was your trip?"

"Eh, it was ok. Just as I remembered it. My father was busy with work; New York is never truly done selling it's soul," he chuckled. "Mother loves shopping so I was bored... You'll have to come next year." With that he flopped down onto the grass facing Todd.

Smiling softly, Todd closed his notebook. 'I wish I could have been there this year.' He decided to keep that thought to himself.

Pepito squinted a violet eye, leaving the intense red visible. "What is the matter, Squee?" He watched in amusement as the boy pouted. Pepito guessed Todd did it subconsciously but he couldn't be sure.

"I..." He watched as Todd crossed his arms protectively over his chest and refused to make eye contact. "I mean Danny doesn't have long." Todd stayed focused on the grass he had begun to unearth.

The gold fish? Pepito didn't think that was the only reason. In fact, he knew it wasn't, but also didn't plan on reading the boys mind. He would have to wait to ask later. That poor damned fish had been dying for 3 weeks now! He was very well versed on Todd's horror stories as far as pets went. The dog that was turned to jelly practically, the kitten that had been eaten alive, and of course the poor ferret. He had an unfortunate run in with a lawn mower... followed by a weed whacker... and then an eagle. Hopefully the fish wouldn't drag on much longer.

As the warning bell sounded from inside the skool, Pepito realized that Todd had been sitting quietly, waiting for a reply. "So... are you busy today?"

Todd laughed "Me? Busy? No, but it is a school day."

"So," Pepito didn't really need to hear a definite answer. Todd had never been very good at them. "Hanging out after school, cool."

Todd nodded, though he was well aware that it was not a question. The bell rang, letting them know they were late for class.

Todd's long absence (up until half way through 6th grade) hadn't gone unnoticed. Other than students contorting their memories of his 'mental health', and teachers laughing about 'yet another crazy kid', Pepito was the only one that tried to find him. He had said that interesting, worth-while souls were far and few between, so the years without him had been dull.

Upon his return Pepito had tackled him, wasting no time in catching up. Mrs. Diablo, or Barbara as she liked to be called, was especially glad to see Todd after a safe, albeit more twitchy, return. The other children hadn't forgotten Todd's troubled youth. Disappearing for nearly six years to an insane asylum can draw some attention, so he tried his best to fade into the background.

He had never really loved his classes, but this year was truly torturous. Not only did he not care for them, he loathed them. Still, he refused to follow Pepito in skipping class. So there he sat, bored out of his mind. Math class was pointless. Even the teacher admitted openly that the curriculum would never help them in the 'real world'. But if he had to come to work, they had to learn, or at least pretend to. Todd shifted uncomfortably as he raised his hand. They were taking an in-class survey of what color pants they wore. How this pertained to the lesson? Not even Mr. Shuette pretended to know. Raising his hand caused a sharp pain in his side, reminding him of the past week.

The class erupted in laughter as a boy asked, "Do butt-less chaps count?"

Shuette sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, "No, Ryan, they do not. Now shut up and pretend to do your work."

Pepito sat across from Todd in a group of four teens. He did not try to suppress his disdain for the class, including the sunny, blond cheerleader sitting next to him, who texted more than she breathed. The girl on Todd's right acted as though she were dispassionate about life in general; the gothic vamp look and lyrics to the hottest new band of men sporting eyeliner were her areas of expertise. They all ignored each other mostly, excluding the two boys.

Today Pepito was surprisingly silent. Maybe he was upset. Had he done something wrong? His father was already in ultimate hate mode and he didn't think he could take Pepito being hateful too. Maybe he should have-

"TODD, duck!" Was all he heard from Pepito before a rather large text book collided with the side of his head, letting out a predictable "Squee!" before falling out of his desk. The laughter started with the jocks that undoubtedly threw it, but quickly spread to everyone in the room, including Mr. Shuette. Everyone, that is, except Pepito.

"You think that's funny?" Pepito was eerily calm. "Picking on the weakling. Or is it to piss off the crazy kid?"

One abnormally muscular boy stifled his laughing long enough to choke out,"A little bit of both, actually!"

As another chimed in with, "C'mon Pepito! It's just a joke, so laugh!"

The anti-Christ only smirked, blinking very slowly. "Well, if you think that was funny, you'll love this one. I call it deep fat fried frat boy!"

"Pepito, NO!" Todd, who had previously been untangling from a girl's shoulder strap back pack, now pounced on the other's back and slammed him, awkwardly, to the ground.

He managed to slam his nose on the back of Altar-Boy's head sufficiently hard. Both hands over his face, he rocked back and forth on top of Pepito's spine.

"Boys, if you're going to get all hot and heavy, please do that in the halls." Shuette had begun to loose his patience.

The class hissed and bubbled with nasty, sexual comments.

Todd was too preoccupied with ignoring the intense pain and trying not to cry. He was failing at both.

Pulling a hand away slowly, he was met with a deep crimson red. Nose bleeds were common enough for Todd, but never pleasant. Rolling off Pepito, he was soon met with the same intense color staining his friend's iris, one at least. Pepito, upon seeing the blood, hauled Todd onto his feet, dragging him out the door and towards the office. He would have to thank Todd later. He had never been great at being subtle, but now as his reign was nearing, he needed to be more discreet than ever. Glancing down at the bloodied boy, Pepito had to fight off a scowl.

Father would not be pleased.


	3. prologue part 3

Empty Rooms

pairing: PepSquee

Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me, but to Jhonen V.

Beta: Punchbagbobsrevenge (RationalLunacy)

Chapter 3

Todd was currently trying to ignore the metallic taste of the blood rushing down the back of his throat, while listening to Pepito rant.

"-and I distinctly remember the smell of cats, but she didn't have any cats! I always thought that was really..." Pepito's words blended together into a soft hum. Todd had yet to meet someone that loved hand gestures as much as the Anti-Christ.

Pinching his nose, he snuck a glance as to where they were heading. The office, right, that made sense. Todd felt his feet trip up as he tried to return his gaze sky wards... or tile wards in this case. A jolt of pain had surged up from his ankle, yet his brain barely had the time to realize it before the rest of his body was in a panic. What if the nurse saw? How would she? A limp, or a wince! It would only take one! But you fooled the demon. You're simply over reacting. Pepito is blind when it comes to noticing these things! The only way he would notice would be if I was shirtless or if my dad had punched me in my face! Nurses are supposed to look for this kind of shit! I can't go, Shmee, I don't wanna. Todd, my boy, you're over reacting. I can't go! Calm dow-

"No!" Todd felt his heels dig into the cheap carpet.

Pepito stumbled a bit before whipping around, a look of bewilderment spread over him.

"Squee...? What is wrong?"

"I, uh, I don't need the nurse." He tried his best to look Pepito in the eye, but thought better of it as blood had begun to drip down toward his lips.

"Come now, Amigo, it's no big deal!" He assumed this was yet another fear the D.H.M.I. was responsible for. "I'll stay with you if it will make you feel any better."

Todd couldn't help a small laugh, though it came out more as a gargle. That was even worse, the nurse and Pepito? He wasn't sure what would be worse, a reaction of anger or of pity. He didn't even register his feet shuffle backwards as Pepito reached for his arm.

"No, Pepito, don't touch me!" He shook his head, another bad idea, as he turned to run. Sprinting down a hallway with his head tilted upwards probably wasn't a very good idea either.

Pepito only watched as the other boy ran, afraid if he followed it would just upset Todd even more. Instead, he headed outside to nurse his bruised ego with a cigarette or two.

Todd had continued to run, turning a corner at full speed and smashing into a security guard. He lay stunned, flat on his back as the security guard scoffed.

"Hall pass?" the man growled. When the boy only lifted his hands off his face to reveal the smeared blood, the man stepped over him without another word and continued with his hall duty.

The task of standing was not easy, and running on the injured ankle had hurt like a bitch. He swaggered to the bathroom to clean himself and wait for the bleeding to stop.

Three periods later, Todd was sitting in French 3 calmly trying to remember his reflexive verbs. DRMRS... something with a V. What was it again...oh! VANDERTRAMP, duh! Finishing the assignment early, he began to doodle in the margins. His French teacher continued to rant, in english, about how very much she wanted a miscarriage. Disturbing was an understatement when it came to this woman. Todd tended to get head aches almost daily in this class. At least there was only one more class period left. True it was PE, but maybe Pepito wouldn't skip.

Fat chance.

Pepito stood out front of the ancient skool, skipping 6th period, finishing off his third cigarette. He casually flicked the butt to the ground, stepping onto it lightly while popping a piece of gum in his mouth. Todd hated him smoking. He had tried to argue that it couldn't hurt him, but Todd's retort of "Well, the smoke could kill me!" had stopped him from smoking… around Todd at least.

Students had begun to make their way to their cars by now, though the final bell had yet to ring. Oh, wait, there it was. He felt bad for leaving Todd alone in PE today, but smoking around him wasn't really an option, and he had needed the break. Pepito grinned cockily as a barley clothed cheerleader passed by him, smiling slightly and wiggling her fingers. He couldn't remember her name, just that she was a lousy lay.

Todd had watched his friend finish his cigarette before rolling his eyes, maneuvering his way through the giant, unmoving crowd of teenagers. They had made plans to hang out, though after the bloody nose incident he wasn't too sure. On his way over, he watched 3 girls flirt, in passing, with the Anti-Christ himself. God, Pepito was such a man whore. He tugged self-consciously at the old sleeves of his baggy shirt. He was so thin that his peers tended to mock him even more than usual if he wore anything too tight. Pepito always wore skintight clothes, having a slightly more muscular and healthy build. He had kept a lean look to his form; still, standing next to him caused Todd to look even more emaciated. Though Todd had seen both of Pepito's forms, and the many failed attempts at his disguise, they had both grown used to his alter-form. He had always been extremely well mannered, but somehow he had begun having sex a year before Todd had even been released from the D.H.M.I.

As he opened his mouth to call out to the other, a short brunette of an average build, in a mini-skirt she didn't really have the legs for skipped up to Pepito.

Pepito hissed in disgust as Lacie, the skool slut, bobbed into his view. He could remember only one other thing about Lacie Cornello; Todd loathed her.

"Heya, Pepito," she licked an overly glossed lip, "ready for our date yet."

He quickly arched a silver hooped eyebrow. Flashing a mocking grin Pepito retorted, "Well, Lacie, your looking shittier than usual. Now, is it less clothing or just more STD's?"

Lacie stared blankly as the insults sank in. She wasn't the most intelligent hooker on the corner.

"What? Still too busy with that little psycho faggot?" She rolled her eyes, "Jeeze Pepito! Does he , like, put out every night?" Pepito's smirk fell briefly, before returning, slightly more malicious than before.

"He smells of innocence. Something you probably lost to your own father." His smile grew wider as the girl flinched. He always knew how to hit them hardest. "Goodbye, Lacie." As he blew a small bubble with the now flavorless gum, Lacie fell, writhing on the floor, in a pool of her own melted flesh. Gross, she smells like burnt hairspray. Pepito curled his upper lip at the repugnant stench. Turning his head, he was met with a very disturbed Todd. His large doe eyes bore deep into Pepito.

Lacie's corpse smelt disgusting, but Todd was too upset with Pepito for breaking their agreement to focus on it. He had gotten him to agree to no smoking, and also no killing in front of him. Todd had witnessed both almost coinciding together.

Just as Todd managed to gather enough spite to confront the demon, a giddy girl slammed into his side, sending a wave of intense pain through out his nervous system. It was a harsh reminder of home. The girl gave a weak 'sorry.' before rushing off. Todd didn't want any more fighting, didn't want the tension. Pepito was all he had left that didn't hate him, and they had already been in one argument today, so why push it?

"Ready, Amigo?" Pepito took Todd's silence as a chance to change topic from the pile of bones and mush, tilting his head towards the roadway.

"Yeah, sorry I took so long."

Something was definitely wrong. Todd had watched him slaughter their agreement, along with the whore, but had said nothing. "No problema. Lets go." He spit out the finished gum, turning to leave; Todd followed at his heals.


	4. prologue part 4

Empty Rooms

prologue part 4

The car ride was void of conversation, thanks going to the blasting satanic "singing". Todd had learned to tune it out, watching scenery instead. Pepito tapped along to a seemingly unrelated beat, crimson nails danced, as naturally tanned hands gripped the steering wheel tightly.

After parking across the street and padding up to the front door, Pepito awaited Todd. Digging into his pocket for the house key, Todd realized the window was probably smarter. Dragging his feet, he motioned for the other to follow.

Pepito had never quite understood why sometimes it was necessary to enter the Casil's house through a window, but he never really bothered asking. The answer would most likely piss him off while Pepito slipped through the window with a disturbing ease, Todd struggled for a second.

"How are you better at getting through my window than I am-oof!" embarrassed, Todd felt his face flush as he fell on it.

"Hahahaha! Oh, sor-sorry amigo," he tried not to laugh. Really!

"Very funny," Todd huffed as he began to pick himself up.

While he stifled a few more chuckles, the anti-christ turned to gaze at the familiar little room. A twin bed, (much too small for a seventeen year old male; even one of average build such as Todd) a small book shelf, a drawing table, and the fish tank that lay directly across from him were the only furniture to be seen.

Pepito remembered painting over the smiley face wall paper with the only paint Todd had available. An odd grey, that faded into the stained carpet, covered the walls now. It had taken three coats to cover the smiles completely. Focusing back onto the tank, Pepito's own smile faded as the sporadic movement on top of the water became apparent.

"Poor batard," he sighed.

"What?" Todd looked up at the other, brows furrowed.

"…never mind, what are we going to do for him?" he didn't want to guilt trip Todd for not simply killing the thing. Human compassion towards fish had skipped over Pepito and seemed radically amplified in Todd.

"Well, I have a smaller bowl to put him in till he- anyways, that way the others won't eat him." At the thought of cannibalism Todd stuck his tongue out in playful disgust.

For seeing more than his fair share of fucked up occurrences, Todd remained surprisingly sensitive. It never ceased to amaze Pepito.

He watched as Todd dove under the bed, fishing out the glass bowl. Pepito barely remembered to not stare at the exposed lower back, trying instead to focus on Danny the dying gold fish. He failed miserably.

"Stop staring at my ass!" Todd's laughter was slightly muffled.

"Hey, free show," Pepito knew Todd was just messing around, and somehow it made him feel guilty. What an idiotic thought, him the anti-christ, guilty of all things.

Backing out from under the bed, he flashed a catty grin,"Aha!" Todd lightly drummed his fingers against the glass bowl. Scrambling over the bed, Todd's face contorted into several different emotions before coming to rest on a determined scowl.

_Hm, its so silent today. _True, Todd's house was almost always eerily silent, Pepito could usually hear someone in the house a tv; newspaper, footsteps, breathing even, but now…nothing. Where were his parents?

He vaguely wondered if maybe the crazy neighbor man had returned to finish them off. Though Todd himself had said he was nearly sure the man wouldn't harm them, you never knew with the crazy ones. Pepito's eyes were drawn out the window, towards the decrepit old house. Something as broken as it was of no use to anyone that remained whole or even partially alive. Only d-

"Coming?" Todd had moved to the doorway and stood, waiting, hip to the side to support the sloshing water.

* * *

"But of course."

The extremely low temperature of the bathroom tile had only been an annoyance for the first twenty five minutes or so, then the issue had been various body parts and sections dosing off. After the two hours he had gotten used to the odd sensations, moving as little as possible.

He had been watching the pale profile of his dearest friend for close to three and a half hours now. Todd had been watching the fish, though so far the death toll had only increased by the number of conversations the boy had slaughtered.

First Pepito had counted the number of tiles on the floor, next were the tiles on the lower half of the wall, then drips from the leaking faucet in the sink. Currently he was counting Todd's blinks. It was a curiously low number and, sadly, rather entertaining.

"Pepito?"

A somewhat desperate tone alerted him to the other's depressed state.

"Squee?"

Once again there was a prolonged silence; Todd had developed a tendency to think to himself. It was also very likely he was not talking to himself but to the beloved childhood toy that, even now, rested against his thigh.

"I…hm…" todd picked at the hem of his shirt, humming softly. "I'm not…unhappy." He frowned.

"Isn't that a good thing, amigo?"

"Don't know. I think I should be, but I'm not."

"Unhappy?"

"…yeah, I mean…hnn…I don't know how to explain it."

"Why should you be unhappy…?" Pepito waited calmly for a reply, but after a good seven minutes it didn't seem to be coming.

"Squee?" he prompted.

Slowly Todd shifted his eyes towards Pepito for the first time in nearly four hours, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and lips slightly parted. Pepito focused hard on the other's lips as they seemed to be mouthing something. But as the movements became a series of awkward twitches he returned his attention to Todd's eyes.

A familiar sense of frustration had begun to seep into Pepito, he tried to push past the feeling in his friend's eyes but only seemed to silently plead for help with a problem he knew nothing about.

"Todd…I-I can't understand if you don't talk with me…please."

He knew at this point the boy was so tensed, no words could slip through. He only had two options…waiting for possibly weeks, even months till he was able to tell him the problem or find out for himself…by force.

Pepito truly hated the idea of raiding his closest friend's mind, but something kept screaming to him how foolish waiting would be.

He felt his arm jerk harshly. It was still asleep and needed a minute to recover. A minute Pepito didn't have. He needed contact to make the exchange as easy as possible on Todd. Pepito tried to concentrate on his arm, easing it towards the other. Did Todd know what he was doing? If so he didn't show any signs of flight, odd for him. When it came to anything spiritual the boy remained as stubborn as he had been on day one.

His fingers came to rest on Todd's neck, thumb slipping under the shirt collar, resting lightly on the bone there. Pepito felt Todd shudder slightly under his suggestive touch, though that remained the farthest thing from his mind, he couldn't' say the same for Todd.

Immediately after focusing in on Todd, worries of his own intentions seemed to flood the boy. Still, there was no fear or want of escape in him, just a wary curiosity. He was waiting to see Pepito's intent before deciding on a reaction, it was hard to ignore such an opportunity but he barely had time to consider this before memories began to play out in Todd's head. At first the images came in small, broken flashes for Pepito, breaking across his view of Todd's ever pleading eyes, then they became longer, more frequent and detailed.

Scene after mind numbing scene began to overcome him. It was all he could see, it was all he could feel. Every blow made, the lasting hurt of the marks they left, his soul seemed to be pushed to the point of breaking along with the weak bones. The sinking, the hurt, and the confusion of so many years lived like this all because…

"…Pepito?"

All pain dispersed as he was once more calmly sitting on the freezing bathroom tile. His hand had jerked upward at the sudden voice, ending the torrent of pain being transferred between the two. Todd was once again looking away, eyes downcast to the eerily still water of the glass bowl.

"He must feel so much better now." Choking on his last word several tears rolled down flushed, hollow cheeks, falling to darken the boy's shirt.

Silently Pepito placed his arm limply around his shoulders. His Todd, _his_, had been-how could they-No, he knew just how easily people could do these things. The question here was how could he not have seen it? Seen the pain, felt the change or sensed it in that horrid man? How?

Revulsion was beginning to take on a whole new shape. A deep twisted, festering rage was winding its way through every inch of the Anti-Christ.

He silently helped dispose of Danny, waiting for Todd to finish changing into his pajamas before sitting loosely at the foot of his bed.

"Pepi-…" the rest of his name caught in his throat," do you have to go home now?" Todd asked in an oddly monotone voice.

"No…not now." He sighed before pulling off both shoes, easing up to lean against the pillow and wall. Hesitantly, Todd followed, slipping under the covers before leaning against the gray wall. Once more Pepito draped his arm around the boy, pulling him closer. Todd seemed happy enough to rest his temple against the other's chest.

Silence gripped the two yet again, far more of an awkward air than was necessary.

"Um…"

"Hm." Pepito tried to soften his features. The last thing he needed was Todd picking up on the true nature of his hostility.

"W-…I'm not sure why. You…you feel tense." He pulled off of his chest, turning to face the other.

The close proximity was not helping Pepito's rage. God damnit it…those eyes. "I…", 'Please…please help me....' they just kept screaming at him! Had he _never_ seen it before? Or had he just chosen to ignore it? "I…" Those horrid memories taunted him, waiting just on the skirting edge of his conscious thought, waiting for him to relax, and open up once more. "I think I…can-"

BANG.

Todd jumped back, flailing the whole way to his floor, nearly pulling Pepito along with him. Before he had time to process the loud intrusive noise, a very unwelcoming voice provided an explanation.

"TODD!?" It was the previously missing father.

"Oh shit! He probably saw your car!" The boy exclaimed, scurrying towards the window. His nervous ticks stopped just long enough to allow for the opening of the window, but had returned long before he reached Pepito's side again.

"I still don't get why thats so horrible! I'm not that bad am I?"

"Y-you gotta go!" Todd grabbed the other's arm, pulling in vain, "Geez! Muscle man!"

"How about not-a-twig man?" Pepito teased before stepping towards the window. He could feel Todd's father stomping closer, and the intent behind it. "Squee…I-"

"Eehg!" Todd recoiled, before slamming his open palms against the other's chest. This, usually a futile show of force, knocked Pepito straight out the window, landing on his neck.

"Fuck! Watch it amigo! If I was a normal kid I would have broken my freaking ne- oof!" Apparently Todd hadn't been listening, having thrown himself out the window straight into Pepito's lap.

"-seriously... ow." He gazed upward trying to will away the want to cradle the boy in his lap.

"S-sorry!"

"If I start my car he'll know we were in the house when he got here, so... on foot?"

A dazed grin spread over Todd;s face as he wiggled to his feet. "Sounds good."

As they darted around the corner of the house, Pepito heard the distinct sound of a door handle slamming against a wall.

"Where to?" he chirped, jogging in between houses and across the barren streets.

"Uhhh, the hill?" Todd puffed, not being in the best of shape for jogging.

"ok." Pepito jerked around, realizing they would have to backtrack a good 2 or 3 blocks . "Should have asked sooner I suppose" he laughed before exclaiming, "Well the exercise'll do us good!... or kill us." he tagged on after glancing at Todd's struggle to keep up. He let his strides shorten, foot falls becoming less frequent. After all, they were in no hurry.


	5. prologue part 5

Empty Rooms

Prologue part 5

Both boys dropped to the ground, utterly breathless, to relish in the cool grass against their backs. Todd found himself glancing skyward, as he struggled to regulate his breathing. At least he assumed it was the sky. The night had become so dark it was near impossible to tell. The sky, ground and everything in between were all swallowed by the dark ink.

Damn it all, his foot hurt.... Pepito had yet to see it today, after an entire day of him lamely limping about he had refused to to let him catch on now. At least the dark allowed him the security to reach down and rub his over worked ankle. If he kept all this running up his foot was bound to heal weaker than ever._ It doesn't feel too great to stretch out that rib cage either does it? No, shmee, it hurts.... _Todd shivered lightly, pulling his arms tight to his sides. The mixture of wet grass and sweat had cooled him down quickly from the run, and then some.

For an April night, it was freezing out. That would have made sense if the stars had shown at all, signaling an absence of clouds. But the black didn't break its solid form for any lights, not even enough to distinguish his friend next to him from the grass he lay on. Todd felt alone in the darkness.. the silence was getting heavier as his own breath quieted. Maybe Pepito had left, slipped away while he had flopped to his current resting space.

Too afraid to reach, Todd feared grasping out only to pull back more of the dark, empty air.

"Squee?" Pepito's voice cut through the night, causing a small flinch.

_Why am I so tense?_

The tone in the other's voice had Todd reflecting on the night thus far and Pepito's own tense behavior. Several minutes passed before he spoke again. Only then did Todd realize he had been waiting for him to respond.

"Is there something you want to say to me?"

Todd wasn't sure on the question. It was vague and felt reminiscent of a trap. It was overly obvious that it had not been a question, nor a demand... it seemed to Todd that it had been more of an acknowledgment. Of what, he was not so sure on. His mind tried desperately to think of an answer. _Yes? No... want. He had said want, right? No I don't think there is anything I want to say. Does he want a yes or no? Maybe he'll ask you to explain yourself, what then Todd, my boy? More silence...? But maybe I wont have to tell him anything, he could just want a yes or a n- gah!_

He nearly leaped away as lithe fingers settled on his forearm. Most likely it was an attempt at comforting his stressed nerves. It missed the target by quite a ways. Todd felt more agitated than before.

_What does he want me to tell him!? Well there are a few... secrets building up in your friendship, now, aren't there? _ Pepito's 'comforting touch' held a rigid air. One that Todd had been picking up on since the awkward touch in the bathroom. Was he doing something wrong? Was there an initiative he had missed, or was he supposed to be taking one?

"N-no."

"Ah..." he could feel the others disappointment even through the intense black veil between them. "I see." Todd started as the fingers slid off of his arm. The need to reach out returned with much more urgency to it.

Without thinking he began to slide his own fingers across the cool grass, searching. The hand was no longer on the grass and for a brief moment panic returned. _ Of course, Pepito had been awkward all night with even simple touches... why would he be anything but? It could be an obvious show for me to back off...._ Yet he still had an urge to pursue that which he had been ignoring for so long. He knew it wasn't exactly an average want... to be so close, or to miss him quite as much as he had come to over the long school breaks and summer trips. Todd was tired of explaining away simple glances he caught the other giving, or shoving off unorthodox feelings. He was sick of wondering... and he knew Pepito would not leave if he were to simply ask. He just didn't want to risk watching as pitying glances and awkward silences took over their relationship, whatever that relation may be. So what better time than when he couldn't watch anything at all?

_Only darkened space... I'm just talking to myself.... _Todd took deep breathes, calming himself to the point that his thoughts were free to roam.

"Hummm...." Once more he continued to graze against the unoccupied space between them, not so much searching as measuring it. He found his way to Pepito's high priced designer shirt, guessing at where his shoulder should have been, he missed his target. Instead Todd's hand came to rest in the crook of the other's arm.

"Whats up, Amigo?"

Pepito had always been fairy good at masking emotion... then again he also had a tendency to switch between emotions quickly. It was hard to say which allowed him such a soft tone, but Todd took it as a good directional question.

"I lied." He was well aware how Pepito felt about being lied to. "Sort of."

"Ha," The small breathy laugh sent vibrations through his fingers, "How so?"

Here he paused once more. The air seemed lighter sure yet... still oppressive. _Talk to yourself, remember? You do that all the time, eh? _Shmee eased him along. _Remember...?_

"...ember...."

"huh?"

"Pepi, do you remember... when we were little?"

"Uh, yeah? What are you-"

"I, uh, heh... ok when we were little your mommy used to always be there. Except during church activities or work of course but... thats not what I mean." He was having a hard time drifting in the right direction. Why had he brought this up?

"Yeah, she was."

He knew Pepito was trying to help him along.

"She always tucked us in, and- and made us lunches. I think I remember when I was in the institute even.... You brought me things didn't you?"

"Of course."

"Yeah... and your dad." H_e was there too wasn't he?_

".... my dad?"

"Oh sorry... your dad would come sometimes or help. He was nice when he was there. Hes Satan."

"Haha, yes, yes he is?"

"Yeah...." Wait... had he been making his point?

"I'm sorry, Squee but you've lost me a little."

"My mom was never there. Even when she was there, she wasn't actually with me. You know, you remember. And... she still isn't. My dad is there, but never nice, never helping. I know its ok, he works a lot and mom doesn't... feel very good, but-" _I'm still not used to it. 'm not used to this. _Thats what he wanted to say wasn't it? He had skirted around too far and ended up loosing his own train of thought... not anything new.

"Are we both lost here?" Pepito joked.

"A bit, but hold on, I'm almost there."

More deep breathing ensued as Todd willed his thoughts to untangle.

"I..." His hand slowly began making its way up towards its initial target: Pepito's shoulder. "I'm still not used to it, after all these years, I don't think I am." He toyed with the well-hemmed edge of his sleeve. Pepito would know what to say and then he wouldn't feel so wrong, stumbling around for the right wording. He would know.

* * *

_I'm so fucking lost right now._

He had to be able to dredge up something to run with out of all that! _Ok, when we were little, my mom being there, something about the institute and my family being there, my father, Satan, his bad parents... uh... not being used to it. Used to what? _

Todd only continued to play with his sleeve, a strange feeling since he couldn't see the other.

_No, stay focused.... Not used to... those thing? But they were just random facts, weren't they? _

"Squee?" He brought a hand up to still the other's fiddling.

Perhaps he could draw out even one more drop of information from the boy.

After an extremely long silence he tried again at what he was beginning to think was his last chance before the other walled up again. Maybe he would admit to what Pepito already knew.. and then he wouldn't have to let him know he had intruded on his thoughts. Or-

Pepito stopped his guessing as a shuffling began near his left ear; Todd's hand leaving his shoulder. _Damn...._ that was that. Todd had retreate- _thats not a hand._ But something else had landed on his shoulder, or more specific it had crashed into his shoulder.

Was he...?

* * *

"Squee?"

Pepito grasped his hand, and for a brief moment he wished he could see the other's face. But perhaps this was better? Had he gotten the message? He was beginning to regret his inexperience in even the simplest of interactions.

_I- I 'm not used to this... but... I know what I want. I want to be used to it, I want to be able to tell people what I want! I'm sick of freezing up and forgetting my own sentences! _

"...Todd?"

He smiled at his small revelation, drew back his hands to twist himself over, rather clumsily he would admit, and swiftly pressed his lips to the other's.

...or at least... thats what he had been aiming for....

_Oh... fuck. _

He drew back a few inches from Pepito shoulder, unable to do much else as he waited for... anything from the other. Silence and darkness were all he could see, feel.. or hear, and he waited in it for a sign that all was **not** lost just because he had a terrible gage of depth and placement.

"Did you...?" It was nearly a whisper, causing several muscles to tense. Todd could hear huffs of breath near his ear just barely there. Was Pepito laughing at him?

Familiar hands flittedacross his cheeks, one trailing into his hair.

Todd felt his eyelids drooping as he leaned into the small touches. It made little difference in scenery, after all. He felt himself growing unsure, taking notice of a hand coming to rest on his neck. Once again he felt as if he was by himself, alone in the dark drifting through a strange dream. Had he fallen asleep on the grass? Well if he was only dreaming then maybe he could control it. He was aloud to dream like this, wasn't he?

"Hmmm," Pepito's breath on his neck sent shivers down his spine, tickling his senses. "You have the weirdest timing, Amigo...."

Shifting his body to take weight off of the pained ankle, Todd bit down on his cheek. _Is that something Pepito would say...? Oh what the hell. _

Another shot in the dark, but this time he didn't miss. It wasn't long before Pepito had deepened the kiss, gently pulling his neck towards him As he fumbled to move closer, Pepito made quick work of changing positions, easing himself over Todd. Assured that he wouldn't be left, dreaming or not, Todd pressed up against the other boy, biting his lip as he did so. "Heh... a-are you really concerned on my timing?" He tried to sound coy, not sure if he was succeeding, before playfully licking across Pepito's own exposed tongue.

"No... but...that was just not fair..." He could hear the smirk in his voice and couldn't help but smile as several soft kisses were placed along his jaw line. "...stealing the first kiss." He felt his stomach leap at the insinuation. He had been right.

It felt awkward to leave his hands limp at his sides but he wasn't sure where they should have been. Pepito continued his trail of kisses, using one hand to tug at his shirt collar, searching for more skin. Loving kisses turned to biting and nipping at his exposed neck, pausing only to breath lightly on his ear. Todd's breath caught in his throat thanks to the attention he was receiving on such sensitive an area.

He ran tentative hands along Pepito's sides, one continuing upwards to tangle amongst red hair, the other traveling back down. As his hand drew near the hem, Pepito stiffened, pressing his forehead against Todd's shoulder.

"Nnngh... Squee...?" Pepito's strained voice sent Todd into a panic.

"I- I'm sorry! I don't know what I was thinking, Pepito I'msosorryIjust-"

"Woah! No, don't say that. You did nothing wrong I just...." Todd felt the other grip onto his wandering hand, "don't-"

"Want that...?" Todd sighed.

"Oh, trust me thats far from the truth." he laughed. "I... I've wanted that for a while now, but not now."

"...Why? Is it the same reason you've been so tense...?"

Sort of... also... I can't even see you," He mused, "and..." Todd felt his breath mix with his own as Pepito came close once more, "I've wanted to see you under me like this for... well... you get the point."

"Ok... but you have to show me." he whispered.

"Sque-"

"Not now," he cut in, "...but you have to show me... you wanted it." His voice drifted barely above a whisper, but the dark cut out everything... he knew Pepito could hear him.

After a pause of enjoyable silence, Todd began to finally relax. The feeling of smiling lips pressed against his own only lulled him further.

"C'mon Squee, I'll walk you home...."


	6. prologue part 6

Todd was...happy. He was truly, honest to Go- ah, well, honestly happy. He had always tried to be, even with the most undeniably horrid cards life had always dealt him. But in the past month not once had he forced a smile, or gagged on false laughter. There was nothing more beautiful...nothing more _nurturing_ for a battered soul, like his own, than this.

He was loved.

Loved by someone that knew nearly every habit or quirk he could throw, every talent and flaw within...yet he still loved him in spite, and even maybe for, them all. His entire self, everything he had left, was offered out over the years and not once had Pepito pushed him away. _Not once...._

Todd closed his eyes, breathing deap, collecting the warm, sunny air within himself. He eased back from his sitting position, leaning his head against Pepito's chest. It was a perfect day to be outside, and the perfect place as well. Since the night of his...terribly awkward confession of sorts, they had spent an exuberant amount of time out on the grassy hill. They had also missed a great deal more of school than what could be healthy for their grades.

He could feel Pepito breathing just as deep, as if they were both determined to gather it all up, the sun drenched scene engulfing them, and keep it from slowly slipping by as time does. Todd lazily slid his arm across the soft grass, detouring himself from the urge to pick at the hole on Pepito's jeans, just above the knee. It seemed such a ridiculous place for a hole, but what did he know about fashion? That pair of styled jeans probably cost more than several full outfits from his closet. The hole had grown immensely over the weeks, starting just as a small styled fray, Todd had become infatuated with fidgeting and tugging at it whenever they were worn.

"Go on, stretch my poor fabric even further. I know you want to." Pepito chuckled, bending both arms to rest instead on his forearms, lowering them both down nearer to the earth.

"No..." Todd wisped, "I just...really like his grass." He was still too lazy to open his eyes, feeling the sun straight ahead and loving how it tinted the darkened insides of his eyelids to an off-orange.

"Its so bright...doesn't allow that dark, huh?" Todd mused, letting his hand tug at the frayed jean.

"Hmmm." It was a happy hum, one that seemed to pass through Pepito and into Todd as well.

_Am I making that sound...?_ More of his annoying, odd thoughts had been slipping out lately. Lucky for him, some still stayed internal. _**Probably. But shouldn't you be more focused on the time?**_ _Oh Shmee...you know just how to make me wake up._

Todd frowned, "Pepi?"

"huh."

"Schools almost over isn't it." He wasn't really asking, Shmee always seemed to know.

"Hm, not just yet."

_**Careful, Todd.**_ Shmee was saying that more too.... Todd didn't really get why. How could he be any more careful? They hadn't even kissed more than a handful of times since the first, and had yet to go far past the same level of intensity they had reached than on that night. It was nice...it also made going any further seem like a far off temptation they both wanted...yet seemed to ignore.

Todd sighed in contentment as Pepito drew a hand through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. He adored the small touches his friend treated him with. Even small things had him smiling softly, pressing into the affection, just as he was now. _**Simple pleasures, eh?**_ _Shh...._

Pepito shifted their weight more to his left, and only stable arm, to allow the other more range. As he swept his arm down to Todd's hip, pulling him closer into an odd embrace, Pepito nuzzled his forehead to the back of Todd's. Breathing just as deep. Pepito's breath tickled the hairs on Todd's neck. He smied, leaning into the tickling sensation as he slipped his own arm around Pepi's.

"Amigo...."It was near a whisper, just below his ear.

He couldn't suppress a shudder, "Y-yeah."

"We should...get going." Pepito sighed, calmly retreating his arm, though he trailed his finger tips over Todd's, now exposed, tummy.

"You're just a tease, Pepito," Todd laughed, pulling himself off the boy, up onto his rather unstable legs, "but you're right."

Pepito only grinned, no doubt feeling pride at Todd's frustration. _Slight...frustration. Not like..a lot or anything._ He scolded himself. After a few good stretches and shared yawns, both boys headed for the car.

It was Friday, and although they should have just finished off the last few periods of the school day, the last before a four day weekend, neither would regret the decision come Monday. Pepito was hoping to pull Todd over to his house for the night, but first they both needed to head home and do a few things to appease their parents and, in Pepito's case, intercept the phone call that was, no doubt, soon to come. Informing 'Mr. Or Mrs. Diablo' that their 'son and or daughter was absent or tardy for one or more classes' that day. Vague, but his parents no longer bought 'the substitute teacher marked me absent by mistake' ploy.

Todd buckled himself in, then 'reminded' Pepito to do the same, and off they went. Todd curled up in his seat, feeling the intense want to recline back and catch a quick nap on the short drive to his house. But before he could even fully slip away, lulled by the soft sounds of the car's air conditioning, they were coming to a complete stop. He was home....

"I'll see you in about an hour and a half...okay?" Pepito nudged his side, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah. Right." He smiled, despite his building fear his father would be home to say 'no'. If he could just pack, clean the kitchen and get out of there before then, if he could just....

"Be sure to catch that call," Todd teased, easing out of the car, "or _you'll_ be the one wrecking the plan."

"Yeah, yeah. How bout you close that door so I can?"

After one last smile, Todd complied, watching Pepito drive off, disappearing around the corner, before he turned towards his house and jogged off to the open window.

* * *

A/N Its near a year, and I have done a few chapters the past week, so I really am still writing this story. You'll all see why its kinda hard soon.


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